Blah

Well I have been out of work for a week. No one is at the house and Gary is at work. I have been very bored. Fail for trying to keep up on blogging. Surprisingly not much has been on my mind. Shock. I wishh I had so profound ideas about things but I guess I dont. I have been thinking a lot about my Grandpa. My cousins wedding is coming up and it will be the first family get together since he went to prison. So weird. Im not sure how I feel anymore about the holidays. it reminds me of when my dad used to say its just another day. I shouldnt feel that way about Christmas should I? idk. Just one of those struggling days I guess.I am just still in search of my family that used to be

I might work thru Christmas which I dont mind cuz I am nervous about Garys family anyways. I thought Christmas was about Family. I guess I dont know my own definition of that. And how does it work when you live 1800 miles away from whats left of my family?

School

The last weeks of school are the hardest. Its all about catch up and study really hard. Im tired and its only Tuesday!

Catch up!!!

Lets play some catch up. I am now a security officer.....Ya. Just like mall cop Paul Blart. check this out!

Its so classy I know. But i actually really enjoy my job. besides the uniform.... But I work with some very interesting people. what else? I AM ENGAGED!!!!! I will tell the engagement story later :) But this is Gary and I

Well it is starting to look like bedtime. But my goal is to document things and start blogging up to my Wedding....August 11th. My roomie just suggested I should blog about how great my roommate is.....dont hold your breath folks! :)

way to start blogging now....

I was thinking at work tonight very deeply..... I thought Hannah you are smart and life is so interesting right now. you should start blogging again. So here I am. Blog Away!

Where to start?

Well I moved to Missouri. I am loving it! with the occassional sadness of missing home, it is still worth it! The drive seemed to take forever! maybe it was because i was traveling with a 15 year old know it all boy! lol. but i have to say it was a bittersweet trip for my dad and i! I love my daddy!And our country can be a very beautiful place!

Time to start blogging!

Yes! Its time to start again, as I leave to Missouri, I want anyone to be able to see everything I'm doin in my new chapter of life!

This is me in a wheelchair at the fair! I simply love wheelchairs!

Senior Photos!

I got some pretty good photos taken by miss Ashley. She is totally amazing!
I just cant decide which one i want for my senior pic! lol

Woodleaf

Off to woodleaf. A huge week with younglives. I pray I fall in love with younglives like I fell in love with Capernaum. Pray for me as wdlf is a great but testing place for me. Two weeks of being with great people and god. How lucky am I? Have a good week. See most of you on the bus!

Car wreck

Fun stuff. It's like I have many car wrecks in life
1. I backed up when owen had the door open in my dads car. Wrecked the door and did $2850 on damage to the car next to me. That sucks.
2. I have a huge court thing Friday. My grandfather is probably going to prison for the rest of his life because of me.
3. Going back to paso high.
4. Ben is out of juvenille hall and now into adult court. Which means he will register as a sex offender for the rest of his life.
5. I have no job or money.
6. I have really messes up on some relationships.
7. I might join the army
I don't know what else to say. Just catching everyone up. I'm grounded with no car. But that ends eventually. Really feeling lost and upset. Not sure where to go or what to do. Just move on I guess

Africa!

I got a new kitten!
She is feral. (or wild). lol
so i have scratches everywhere. bite marks on my face and hands. i also wake up every three hours! she is a huge pain in the butt, but way super cute!

My First Fast!

So When i went to LA my friend fasted. I was so curious and I just loved it.
I didn't know I was going to do it on my own so soon.
So i decided I would fast for 12 hours. 8-8. It was intense. The night before I had prepared myself with reading some scripture and praying. I wanted to have set goals of why i was doing this. I fasted for a friends salvation, obedience to god, and for me just to be closer to Him.
I woke up this morning at 7:45 to eat a little something then began my fast! It was very hard. The first 2 hours were easy. then I went to work. My co-workers make fun of me for being a christian so they didnt quite understand. They only tempted me with cookies in my drawer and lots of yummy things. But After constant prayer I was fine. The hunger pains subsided and only god was on my mind. I related my work situation to real life. Temptation. I thought of how they were tempting me to fail just as we are all tempted by non believers.I also learned that really by prayer and fully trusting i can resist that temptation.
I also learned how good it feels to be in the word so much and to be in constant connection and really put god first. something i have been putting off.
With work, school, and relationships i put god on the backburner. which is not working for me. I learned so much today. I am so proud of myself. and I know God is proud to. I didnt think i would make it, but i think he knew all along.
I wanna pursue my own relationship with christ. I'm ready to not be so dependent on others. there is no middle man. just me and him.

L.A.

The city of angels!
What a trip!
lol.
Lets starty off with I arrived in a cowboy hat and boots.....lol. I had no idea L.A. was so big yet cramped!
I don't go to big cities.
I had tons of fun. in three days i think i had a total of 12 hours of sleep! I don't like LA but i loved being with work crew friends. It pointed me in a better direction with my faith. And it helped me concentrate on the amazing meaning of Easter. He is Risen!
I was in a tv show as an extra! Saw some crazy people! It was something I have never experienced ever! But I loved it. I will be going back again!

Spring Break!

Spring Break is not the same this year. As a kid I was happy i got 2 weeks of lazy days. But since I'm in idependent studies its different. I have a job. My job doesnt have a spring break. lol. So i keep watching My brother go to Concerts in San Francisco and Go to Santa barbara, while I go to work! I feel like an adult with kids. It kinda sucks. So after thinking about it, I took next week off and i am catching a train to LA. I am a small city girl. I have never seen big cities except for Las Vegas and I was amazed. So i'm excited to stay there for a few days. Meeting some friends from work crew and summer staff. I am so excited! I will be sure to post pics when i get back. My friends keep saying little redneck is comin to the city. So they asked that I bring some redneck clothes. lol. I will be arriving in my cowboy hat! lol. I already know I am gonna miss the stars from the lake!

Something I wrote.

Coping is never an easy thing for me. So i wrote like this. when your in a mood i guess it just comes out the way its supposed to



You get the phone call from the one you love saying that sweetie I am very sick, but I know I will be okay. The one you love is a mother, grandmother, sister, and most of all friend. They say I will have a few sick days and then all will be well. I am a survivor and I believe I can beat this. You are sad, but you pray and hope that their faith in believing is enough. Time passes and you think nothing of the illness. You only think of the limitations it has put them in. On the rough days you sit there by bed side knowing and fully believing they will recover from this. You don’t tell anyone because you know this is just a chapter in our lives and it will pass. You are not sad for you know there is no reason to be. Then once again you get the phone call. This time she says I am going in for surgery, I love you, see you when I am done. You head to the hospital only to hear they couldn’t perform the surgery she only has a few more days to live. You’re crushed. She is supposed to make it. The next few days you never leave the hospital. You sleep in her room, eat with her, hold her hand, and just listen to her even when she makes no sense anymore. A week goes by. She shows signs of improvement and gets to go home. You’re feeling better so you don’t spend all waking hours with her. You hang out with some friends and start to lighten up. Then you get the phone call. This time it isn’t her. Its another loved one saying she went home to Jesus come say your goodbyes. You feel horrible. You weren’t there. Even if you were there was nothing you could do. The fact of there is nothing you could have done consumes your mind and tears you down. But you have to let go. And you still have to believe. You still visit her, just now her spirit is with God and her body lies in the ground. You miss her and as hard as it, you know you will see her again.

Yesterday!

I watched three kids.
Jayden Jack and Tanner.
OMG!
These Kids are great but all three together, wow.
I have never worked so hard babysitting in my life. I ended up crying after i left! lol
I have a huge respect for moms!
I don't think i could ever be a mom. lol.
Thru the hitting, pushing, diapers, temper tantrums, and arguing, i actually had some fun. we flew a kite watched some dora and played like we were planes. What a great oppurtunity that was for me. I survived :)
so cheers to the mothers! I think you all are crazy!

Bruizers!!!

Yes!
The bruizers won tonight 10-7 against team inferno!
Next game is saturday At 11 @ liberty High. Maybe pitching?
lol
Come watch me hit! I am a slugger!

Ehhhh!

PISS OFF!!!!!

Sadness

Its sad that Amanda took her own life. I didnt even know her that well but it still makes me sad. It makes me think of all the other people I have lost. I'm just sad! I just, I know that feeling of wanting to take my own life. I know how she felt. The feeling like no one was there. and no one cared enough, I know that feeling.
Life sucks dude. I am realizing as I get older to many bad things happen. And it sucks. I'm just so ugh! and sad! I dont even know what to do with myself

college

so many ideas and choices.
my original plan was to just hit 4 year christian college after i graduate. But what college. Colorado christian university, azusa. york. hope. so many colleges.
then a new idea came last night on my date...lol. break from college for missions trip. missions trips have been on my mind so much lately. I want to serve so badly. Im growing up.
Thats weird.
Im growing up and I might be going away. All i can think of is missing the jelsos! and Zack! and young life!
its so weird!
I want to get back in the place i was at when i did work crew. that feeling of yes i am struggling but my god is great. I desire to get back to that.
I wanna serve christ no matter how much i am struggling in life

today!

I would have to say the highlight of my day was going to the doctors with the jelso Family! lol. Th eappointment was for tanner and it was all the way in slo. so while Janay and Tony took Tanner in, Me and Jayden had a great time just the two of us! We were sorta by the airport so we saw 14 airplanes and one helicopter. we also played like we were planes. and I taught Jayden which buttons to push in an elevator. It was pretty fun! I also learned Jayden can count to ten in spanish! Thank you dora the explorer! lol