Maybe

So confused.
But its a most likely for that one guy. lol

Tired!

Ya!
I am so tired!
Yesterday I took Groove with Shiloh, I hate groove, but i did sweat and got a little workout. I didnt sweat as much as Janay. lol. But who does? I was all good not laughing to much until Janay did this like just absurd dance move. I know it wasnt sexual, but i just couldnt see Janay like that. its like seeing your parents dirty dancing. Its just weird. Then i took core thinking how hard could it be? I was so wrong! my abs hurt so bad today!
And then Softball! I was surprised i did so well! But i really did good. I am proud of myself. But very sore today.
My schedule today consists of homework, school, movie with Jimmy, and more softball!
I actually like it alot

FUN!

Tonight I hung out with Jimmy, Seaira, Rachael, and Brandon. We played poker.... It was pretty exciting.
After that, we just hung out and it ended up me and Jimmy watching movies. I cant really say we did much more but I had a great night with him!
Thats all folks. I Just wanted to say today is a better day than yesterday.

Im so done!

My goodness!
Can it just freakin be over?
I am so sick and tired of people looking at me like I am in wrong doin. Yess this is about Zack! You know what I am 16 and i thought i was in love with zack. But he hurt me so bad for the last time. all of those times he was in wrong doing with other girls, i just let it go. and looked like a fool. And finally i stand up for myself cuz he kissed a girl and people see me as the bad person. I brought Jimmy to club. He doesnt really believe in god. he is lost. I want to show him christ thru me and thru club. But people see it as me trying to get back at zack
Why does this stupid teenesge world revolve around Him????
Get a clue. He shows he is hurting. I dont show it! But that doesnt mean i am not hurting. Jesus i am hurting so bad. but it never matters.
I am hurting and it seems like no one cares.
So let me set the record.
Zack is my ex boyfriend. I loved him, and still do. I forgive him but that does not mean i am getting back with him or that it does not hurt.
Jimmy is my friend. He is so nice. and i want him to see the god that i see.
I am single, and i am hurting.
But i will deal with it. Just like i deal with all problems of my life. And many people will not see me struggle.
I will cope in my ways. and everyone will worry about zack.

Seriously!

I have decided the one thing I hate about being in high school is all the stupid drama! It is so beyond gay!
You know what,
Screw em' if they can't take a joke!

Im very frustrated with teenage girls! How do young life leaders deal? lol
Whatever. Im feeling way better today so i will just say whatever!

Hospital

So It was monday night/ tuesday morning i felt sick. I was vomitting like crazy! finaly after puking 4 times at home i went to the hospital. I puked again in the car. and once more at the hospital. It was very exciting. My mom said i was white as a ghost. i had to get an IV in me. i was completely dehydrated.

The first time the nurse tried to put the iv in, she seriously was digging around in my arm! it was pretty darn painful! she didnt even end up using that arm. It was crazy when i got the iv the first bag took like an hour. they told me i might get the feeling of being cold. The first bag was fine, my hand was cold and that was it. But the second bag they wanted it to go faster so it was a strem not a drip. my body got the shakes! i was so cold. but they give you blankets like from the dryer. so with 3 of those blankets i was still shivering. But the nurses loved me! one nurse came in and sat with me for like an hour and just talked. she was super nice! another nurse came in and was like a mom. she was like petting my hair and holding my hand. they were very nice!

of course you know me, no matter how much pain i am in, I have to have fun! So this thing on my head, was my puke bag. Me and my mom joked that it was like a whale condom. then we debated whether a walrus penis was bigger that a whales....lol. Either way, it looked like a huge condom!

Now i am on bedrest! I cant drive because the pills i take make me fall asleep. its funny because i will be like watching tv and not realize i have fallen asleep. its great. so if you call sorry if i dont answer. I am most likely sleeping. What a fun adventure!

I like Nerds!

So i met this guy named Jimmy. He is the cutest nerd! Lol..... Its so funny. I havent really met boys since dating Zack. But he is the coolest friend! I am not really looking into dating yet. I am just not ready. But it is so fun to flirt with him. I totally beat him at poker! but he totally knows all the lingo of poker.....its great. I so have a cool new friend! But he is like a nerd/egoist/cute eyes/intelligent guy. He has the biggest vocabulary i have ever heard! total nerd! but i like him!


on another note, i stayed the night at the jelso's. awesome. the night wasnt the best. but i hung out with shelby and got to know her better. it was good. and then today after church i had a chance to talk with tony, what an awesome talk. I have been feeling like when i go to church, its like we talk about this narrow path and about sin and what it really means to be a christian. i have just been struggling with the thought of why do i do things i hate, when i really truely want to be a christian. but tony explained it a little better. the verse he gave me was Romans 7:15.I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.It totally cleared it up. i am on the right path, but have a battle of my sinful nature and being a child of god. Its a daily battle but I will try my hardest, cuz my race isnt here. and when my race is done, I want Him to say Good Job Hannah you made it. you were my faithful servant.



old picture of them, but i like it!



My thoughts,

New Chapter

Well i went to sleep last night feeling very sick, I had a runny nose, headache, and my eye would not stop watering. It was not very fun. I swear people called me like 20 times! It was so annoying! anyways,

This morning I woke up to Zackery telling me he had cheated on me last night......It makes me think I should have answered his phone calls and this wouldnt have happened. some reason i want to put this blame on me. Its hard stuff. But either way it was his fault. With that, I drove over there and told him it was over. The last 11 months were great. some ups and downs but i wouldnt trade it for the world. This is hard to deal with. I gave him back the promise ring he had given me for christmas. It just didnt have meaning anymore.

I dont really know what to do with myself. Im single. Thats so weird. I planned my life around Zack. Now, there is no more Zack......

I need some ice cream. Something to take away the thoughts and memories of all that used to be