official!

I am a purple Zebra!
what you may ask?
lol
That is my softball team!
how great!
Janay and Ashley dont know it yet, but they are gonna wear purple shirts that say hannahs biggest fans!
lol

very ehhh

so much stuff is happening. not just to me, but also the people around me. It seems like everyone hurts in some way. That makes me sad.
My heart goes out to people I love and that are hurting.
off to church with the jelso fambam. Wish me luck. Its harder than you think!

...

I miss Debbie so much. I feel like she would know what to say or do. She was really the only one i could cry to. and shes not here anymore. I need that hug when im so sad. i need that person to not let go. I dont want them to say it will be okay. I want them to say its ok to cry right now and just let me cry. The people i push, i want you to come get me. The one person i want to do that, i keep hurting and pushing away. Im sorry. I cant say that enough right now.

Just Saying...

My thoughts. Bear with me as i ramble.
I am i think just frustrated with Life. I will just hit some topics, I just need a release. I am killing myself by keeping it in.
Zack. I love you. I wish I could give you more time. I wish i could spend all of my time with you. But i just cant. And i feel terrible about that. I am always so busy. Im sorry. God. Zack deserves more and better attention from me. also self control is huge right now. we are both struggling with our old habits and such. Either way, I love Zack. No one understands how I feel about him. I cant even describe it.
Lippy. I love you as my best friend. But i am so concerned about health. Im scared. I can really say that I am scared. And no one is telling me what is really wrong with you. Which makes me even more afraid.
Janay. What the hell is up with us? I am such a bitch. I just want to say sorry over and over again. Yet i feel like my feelings are hurt by you too. You love me, and it just isnt enough....Why is that not enough for me? I dont want to hurt Janay. janay is my hero. i love her and her family.... and damnit i hate it when people tell me its just a hannah mood. stop telling me that. its more than a mood. I am struggling with Life and i just need someone to say i love you and i wont let you fall. just hug me. I wanna cry. I have so much built up in me! I am killing me!
God! Where is he? see i say that and then say to myself you fool why are you rejecting him when he is right there? why is it so hard to pray right now? what is stopping me? We all know i need him so bad right now! So bad!Why am i refusing him? and why am i pushing everyone away?
I feel like no one sees me or can hear me. and theres people right there. like Janay and zack. People love me. why dont i love myself? and why dont i feel the love?

so thats whats happening in my brain. Its full. and my heart is hurting. My heart is really hurting right now. So i ask you pray for me. I was very vulnerable tonight. so please pray for me. cuz i just cant pray for myself.

-me

I had a great day with Lippy!