Something I wrote.

Coping is never an easy thing for me. So i wrote like this. when your in a mood i guess it just comes out the way its supposed to



You get the phone call from the one you love saying that sweetie I am very sick, but I know I will be okay. The one you love is a mother, grandmother, sister, and most of all friend. They say I will have a few sick days and then all will be well. I am a survivor and I believe I can beat this. You are sad, but you pray and hope that their faith in believing is enough. Time passes and you think nothing of the illness. You only think of the limitations it has put them in. On the rough days you sit there by bed side knowing and fully believing they will recover from this. You don’t tell anyone because you know this is just a chapter in our lives and it will pass. You are not sad for you know there is no reason to be. Then once again you get the phone call. This time she says I am going in for surgery, I love you, see you when I am done. You head to the hospital only to hear they couldn’t perform the surgery she only has a few more days to live. You’re crushed. She is supposed to make it. The next few days you never leave the hospital. You sleep in her room, eat with her, hold her hand, and just listen to her even when she makes no sense anymore. A week goes by. She shows signs of improvement and gets to go home. You’re feeling better so you don’t spend all waking hours with her. You hang out with some friends and start to lighten up. Then you get the phone call. This time it isn’t her. Its another loved one saying she went home to Jesus come say your goodbyes. You feel horrible. You weren’t there. Even if you were there was nothing you could do. The fact of there is nothing you could have done consumes your mind and tears you down. But you have to let go. And you still have to believe. You still visit her, just now her spirit is with God and her body lies in the ground. You miss her and as hard as it, you know you will see her again.

Yesterday!

I watched three kids.
Jayden Jack and Tanner.
OMG!
These Kids are great but all three together, wow.
I have never worked so hard babysitting in my life. I ended up crying after i left! lol
I have a huge respect for moms!
I don't think i could ever be a mom. lol.
Thru the hitting, pushing, diapers, temper tantrums, and arguing, i actually had some fun. we flew a kite watched some dora and played like we were planes. What a great oppurtunity that was for me. I survived :)
so cheers to the mothers! I think you all are crazy!

Bruizers!!!

Yes!
The bruizers won tonight 10-7 against team inferno!
Next game is saturday At 11 @ liberty High. Maybe pitching?
lol
Come watch me hit! I am a slugger!

Ehhhh!

PISS OFF!!!!!

Sadness

Its sad that Amanda took her own life. I didnt even know her that well but it still makes me sad. It makes me think of all the other people I have lost. I'm just sad! I just, I know that feeling of wanting to take my own life. I know how she felt. The feeling like no one was there. and no one cared enough, I know that feeling.
Life sucks dude. I am realizing as I get older to many bad things happen. And it sucks. I'm just so ugh! and sad! I dont even know what to do with myself

college

so many ideas and choices.
my original plan was to just hit 4 year christian college after i graduate. But what college. Colorado christian university, azusa. york. hope. so many colleges.
then a new idea came last night on my date...lol. break from college for missions trip. missions trips have been on my mind so much lately. I want to serve so badly. Im growing up.
Thats weird.
Im growing up and I might be going away. All i can think of is missing the jelsos! and Zack! and young life!
its so weird!
I want to get back in the place i was at when i did work crew. that feeling of yes i am struggling but my god is great. I desire to get back to that.
I wanna serve christ no matter how much i am struggling in life

today!

I would have to say the highlight of my day was going to the doctors with the jelso Family! lol. Th eappointment was for tanner and it was all the way in slo. so while Janay and Tony took Tanner in, Me and Jayden had a great time just the two of us! We were sorta by the airport so we saw 14 airplanes and one helicopter. we also played like we were planes. and I taught Jayden which buttons to push in an elevator. It was pretty fun! I also learned Jayden can count to ten in spanish! Thank you dora the explorer! lol